she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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