Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
