She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
