I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
