I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
