i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
