The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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