mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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