a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
