if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
