we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
