Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
