omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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