Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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