Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it glows. i had to have it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
