bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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