I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
