You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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