Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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