I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
