Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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