u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch