i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.