then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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