I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
