I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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