They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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