Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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