Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
