rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
