We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
