Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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