To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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