Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
