I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize