She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
