I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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