Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
