Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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