You're completely useless in the revolution.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
