I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His nipple licking is glorious
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
