I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
