party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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