My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my being single is dangerous.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
