Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
