The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
