you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
