but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
