Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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