So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
