She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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