i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
