Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
