he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
