The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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