No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
