I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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