I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
