I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
