he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
