since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
