Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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