you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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