can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
