Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
