I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
