Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
