dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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