We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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